Twenty-one things you should never take on a day hike and the reasons why:

May 7, 2013

Twenty-one things you should never take on a day hike and the reasons why:

1. map – I’m hiking on a trail, no one ever gets lost hiking on a trail

2. compass - I’m only going in one direction.

3. whistle – I can whistle or just yell really loud.

4. headlamp or flashlight – It’s a day hike, I would never be caught in the dark on a day hike.

5.matches/lighter/fire starter – I would never need a fire so I’ll never need fire starter.

6. medications – I won’t get injured, I won’t get sick, and I’ll be back before the time I have to take any prescription medicine.

7. emergency poncho – I don’t hike if it is going to rain, and the weather reports are always 100% accurate.

8. space blanket – I can stay warm by running around the woods if I need to.

9. sufficient water – I don’t get thirsty and don’t need to carry the extra weight.

10. energy replenishment – I can go without food for 14 days if need be.

11. first aid kit (with tweezers) – I am not going to get injured and won’t need to remove any ticks.

12. bug head net – I’m a slave to fashion, there are some things I just won’t wear.

13. bug spray in season – I’ll just swat them.

14. sun screen – I want to get a tan.

15. sun glasses - I don’t want sunglasses tan marks.

16. dry clothing – I’m not going to get wet in the first place.

17. knife or multitool – I can’t think of any reason I would ever need either one.

18. cell phone – OK, I’ll take that, but only so I can receive calls about tonight’s party.

19. rabies certificate for dog – my dog doesn’t have rabies, why would I need to prove it?

20. toilet paper – I am not going to do that in the woods.

21. the name and telephone number of the person who knows your plans and will call the proper authorities if you don’t return as expected – I’m not going to needlessly worry my friends or relatives over something that will never happen.